The Scotsman
by zyn1213
Summary: A songfic based on our Favorite Wolf and his kilt.


This FanFic was inspired by a conversation in one of my Yahoo Groups "A Wolf and Miko's Love" We were discussing Kouga's Fur wrap/kilt attire and turns out no one had heard of this song. An evil little idea popped into my head and this is the result. I know the girls are a little OC but I think it's funny and besides, like you wouldn't do the exact same in their shoes!

It goes without saying I do not own Inu Yasha or the song The Scotsman. Just the twisted idea to bring them together.

* * *

A Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair

and one could tell by how he walked

that he'd drunk more than his share

he fumbled round till he could no longer keep his feet

then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

Kouga stumbled, cursing under his breath. Wincing, he brought a clawed hand up to his temple. He shot a glare over his shoulder to the forms of Ginta and Hakkaku who were sprawled out by the fire in the cave. The two friends had staged an "Intervention" with Kouga. The Wolf Prince snorted. Like some wine was going to help him get over his woman. His head swam. 'Kay, maybe a LOT of wine'

The mighty wolf demon took uncertain, shambling steps out of the cave and into the woods. A walk in the night air would do him some good. Sober him up a bit. 'At least I didn't get sick like Ginta' he thought. Thank the Gods for small favors. Kouga made a random path through the trees, loosing his footing with a frequency that didn't bode well for staying upright. Tripping once more, Kouga hit the ground hard, staying there. He rolled onto his back. 'Fuck it. I'm not getting up until the ground stops moving.' Within moments, the demon was snoring away, passed out.

Ring Ding Diddley ey ooh

Ring Ding Diddley ey ooooh

he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

Feminine giggles punctuated the night air. "Did you see his face?"

"Oh I know! I felt kinda bad for hitting him so hard but the look on his face!" Two young women stepped into the clearing not far from Kouga's unconscious form. One gasped all of a sudden. "What's wrong Kagome chan?"

"Jewel shards! I sense Jewel shards real close." Kagome narrowed her eyes and looked in the direction of the Shard's pull.

"Where?" Sango was whipping her head around, tense and alert for danger. Focused on searching for possible attack, she missed the sudden widening of Kagome's eyes. Kagome gasped and started jogging to the other side of the clearing, Sango trailing behind her.

"What is it Kagome?"

"Kouga!" Kagome knelt by the wolf.

"Is he hurt?" Sango knelt on the other side. Kagome carefully checked the wolf's form for injuries.

"No..he's not."

"So he just decided to sleep in the middle of a clearing?" Sango's voice was full of disbelief. At that exact moment, they both caught the strong smell of alcohol coming off the wolf. "Kami, he's drunk!"

Kouga's mouth opened slightly as he let out a sigh in his sleep. Both girls jumped back from the noxious fumes currently issuing from Kouga's mouth. "Jesus Christ! He's had enough to pickle a hippopotamus!"

Sango blinked. "A hippo what?"

"Never mind."

About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by

and one said to the other with a twinkle in her eye

"See yon sleeping Scotsman, so stong and handsome built

I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt"

Ring Ding Diddley ey ooh

Ring Ding Diddley ey ooooh

I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

"Kagome, "

"Yeah?"

"Remember the conversation we had at that Hotspring a while back?" Judging by Kagome's blush, Sango knew she did.

"What about it?"

It was Sango's turn to blush. "Well. It's just…. here's an opportunity just in front of us.." Both girls turned their heads to regard the handsome demon sprawled out in front of them. Blue and Brown eyes took in the fur wraps on the calves, traveling slowly up the muscular thighs, to where the fur kilt brushed the bronzed skin.

Kagome took a deep breath, trying to calm her franticly beating heart. She and Sango had had a lengthy conversation regarding the Wolf demon after his last visit. After going through the cons (immature, overconfident, temperamental, didn't really listen, more apt to argue with Inu Yasha than do any serious wooing) they girls discussed the pros of the wolf demon (hot, strong, dead sexy smirk, kind, nicer than Inu Yasha, more open about his feelings, soul piercing blue eyes, good leader for his people, protective of Kagome, doesn't have dead ex-girlfriend, able to provide for a mate, has a cute tail). Inevitably the topic came to his kilt and what he may wear under it. Surprisingly, Sango was as eager to discuss the topic as Kagome. By silent agreement, the girls carefully (if only temporarily) put aside their feelings for the males in their group and daydreamed about the wolf. Now the chance of a lifetime was snoring right in front of them.

Sango's fingers slowly reached out. "No time like the present Kagome." Kagome nodded.

"Moment of truth." She joked. Her hand came up on the other side. Grabbing hold of the soft fur, she looked over at Sango. "On the count of three, okay?" Sango nodded and took hold of the fur, taking a deep breath.

"One."

"Two"

"Three!" Both girls quickly flipped up the kilt, and promptly dropped their jaws.

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quite as could be

lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see

and there behold for them to view beneath his scottish skirt

was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

Ring Ding Diddley ey ooh

Ring Ding Diddley ey ooooh

was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

"Oh. My. God."

Sango whistled softly. "You are one very lucky girl Kagome chan!" Both girls were blushing furiously as they gazed wide eyed upon the manhood of the Wolf Prince.

With one hand holding up the kilt, Kagome reached up tentatively with her other hand.

"What are you doing?"

"I just want…I've never touched one before!" After carefully checking to make sure the wolf was still unconscious 'Yeah right, with as much alcohol as he's had, he's not waking up anytime soon.' Her hand continued on its trek up his muscular thigh, grazing over the flesh. One more deep breath and her hand reached its target. "It's so soft!"

"Really?" Without a second thought, the demon slayer started to bring her hand up.

"Kagome." Kouga sighed. Both girls froze like deers in a headlight. Kagome's hand was still on his manhood. After a moment in which they both died several times from acute mortification, they relaxed. It was obvious he was still out of it.

"Aww..he's dreaming of you!" Sango whispered. Kagome blushed and let out a soft eep as Kouga's member twitched under her hand.

"We should leave before he wakes up." Kagome pulled her hand away reluctantly.

"Or before the boys come looking for us." Sango grimaced at the idea of being discovered with her hands up Kouga's kilt by Miroku and Inu Yasha.

"One moment." Kagome tugged on the ribbon holding her hair back. Her eyes sparkled mischievously. "I've got an idea."

They marveled for a moment then one said "We must be gone,

let's leave a present for our friend before we move along"

as a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow

around they bonny star the Scot's kilt did lift and show

Ring Ding Diddley ey ooh

Ring Ding Diddley ey ooooh

around the bonny star the Scot's kilt did lift and show

She wound the blue ribbon lightly around Kouga's member, tying a loose bow around his growing erection. Sango shook with suppressed laughter next to her. Once securely tied, they lowered the kilt gently.

"Seems like such a waste to cover it again." Sango sighed.

"Mmmhmm." The two got up to leave, tossing the demon one last look before exiting the clearing.

Several hours later (never mind how many precisely) Kouga woke up. Rubbing his eyes, he climbed to his feet and stumbled towards a tree. Preparing to relieve himself, he lifts his kilt. "WHAT THE FUCK?"

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbles for the trees

lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees

and in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes

"Ach Lad I don't know where ya've been but I see ya won first prize"

Ring Ding Diddley ey ooh

Ring Ding Diddley ey ooooh

Lad I don't know where ya've been but I see ya won first prize"

* * *

This is a One Shot songfic. I may or may not do more from this. 


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